Well folks, it happened. My idiotic, but sometimes beloved, human is back on the market. Turns out his soul mate of three weeks has been partaking in some heavy petting…and there wasn’t an animal in sight.

Oh well, it happens…right?! That’s what I keep trying to tell him. When someone hangs around powerful people (me), there is always some glamour-hungry starlet trying to get in the picture…at least for a little bit. But ohhh nooo, he won’t listen. Thinks it’s because he wrote her that poem in the chocolate birthday cake…after performing a love song on the mandolin. Reckons he may have come on too strong.

Pshaw, I say! The stronger the romance the better…I think she just figured out that she would never get to me. They have a way of disappearing after coming to this realization…poor girl, to think she ate all of that cake for nothing. Now, all I can do is claw Boss Man every few hours to remind him to feed me (and put the ice cream away).

Bless it. There really is no cure for a broken heart.