Dear Amerikitties,

Boy oh boy, it’s election time isn’t it? If Facebook and Twitter aren’t misleading, not a lot of people are thrilled with our options this go ‘round. Are you?

To play the devil’s advocate, I have developed a list of five alternative candidates for November 2016. Maybe we can write them in the ballot?

1. Bob Barker. Okay yes, he is 92 years old…howeverrrrr, he is a huge advocate for keeping pets off of welfare AND his last name includes the word “bark.”

2. Sarah McLachlan. No doubt, she would put that SPCA commercial on loop and people would finally start treating their pets with respect!

3. Kevin Hart. He’s small and can relate to our cause…and he’s funny.

4. JLo. Have you seen everything she does? Surely the Presidency would just be another drop in the bucket. Also, it’s about time the White House got a little pizzazz.

5. Me. Obviously this is the best option. Tuna Tartare mandated in all public schools.

Any better suggestions?
Maximus