Trick-or-Treat My Feet

Halloween is here and one of my (few and far between) pet peeves is about to surface in droves. While I have never been one to deny the fun of a good costume party, I am consistently offended by one particular outfit. Will someone please explain to me what a skintight jumpsuit, felt misshapen ears […]

Max 101

Hello readers, Due to a recent influx of fanmail, I thought it would beneficial to address some of the most frequently asked questions I receive here at Ultra Pet. Q: How do you get your hair to be so lustrous? A: As a direct descendent of Egyptian royalty, good hair is in my genes. With […]

The Shearing

Holy holy guacamole…what a day!!! I began this morning as a self-respecting, beautifully coiffed feline…and ended it naked exposed to the world. Oy vey. Another creature falls victim to the furminator. The furminator. Have you heard of this torture device? If not, I suggest checking your human’s computer history…if you see any signs of this […]


As you know I am not the type to complain. I’m very easy to please…I only want the best. I’m very clear about my wishes; always giving my requests enough time to be handled appropriately. As I mentioned in my last blog, we recently celebrated my birthday. I love my Born Day. I get to […]

All Hail Max

Do you happen to know the significance of this day? Why of course you do! No self-respecting fan would NOT know that today is the day the great Maximus entered this world. While I will not bore you with my age, and really who’s counting, I will let you know that all of the fan […]

Elder Kitty

So, the weirdest thing happened this week. There were visitors at UltraPet and they bought a crazy old cat with them. Now don’t get me wrong, I always respect my superiors…and any cat who has lived through 7 or 8 lives deserves a little street cred. But seriously…nineteen-years old??? That’s cra-cra for sure! Her name […]

Life in the Fast Lane

Max again…and I’m here to tell you a little bit about the good life. As you all know, I reside in the Ultra Pet Presidential Palace. It’s a nice existence. Since my humans work in the animal biz, they tend to be a little more aware of my feline needs than your Average Joe…but let’s […]

Ways To Annoy Your Human

This is a personal note to my furry and followers….all humans may stop reading NOW You know how sometimes you just get in that mood? That mood where every.single.thing your human does/says/thinks drives you insane? When he or she falls below your already lowered expectations for human behavior? Yea, me too. For real though, must […]

V is for Vicious

Today is the day. The worst day. The day that all kitties dread…Vet Day. As it happens, my God-given nine lives are not enough and I must now receive medieval health treatments through syringes and other forms of torture. They call it a “check-up.” Check-up my foot!! It is a full violation of the body […]

The Cat Lady

The Cat Lady This post is written in response to some disparaging remarks I came across while cruising YouTube for back episodes of ThunderCats. First of all, a person of the female persuasion who likes cats is not inherently a “cat lady.” Second of all, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH A CAT LADY? I […]