Eye of the Chipmunk

Max here…a little worse for wear. Brace yourself. Remember that time I went chipmunk hunting? How brave I sounded? How close I came to snatching the little bugger? Yea, well as they say, almost doesn’t count. In fact, almost can ALMOST get you killed. Need proof? I’ll text you a picture. Yep, you got that […]

Party Favors

As a public service, I wanted to drop a quick note to remind you guys about one of my favorite things: party favors. While visiting a friend (who shall not be named) at his 7th life birthday party, I noticed that this time-honored tradition is starting to become neglected. Thanks but no thanks for the […]

Southern Snow Show

I’m not sure if you guys heard, but the Southeast recently got hit with a brutal winter storm…all one inch of it. Now before you start snickering the night away, it’s important to realize that southern cities are not equipped mentally or logistically for ice and snow…I mean, most southerners have never even seen a […]

Post Super Bowling

Hello readers, How are you faring? I hope you civilized ladies and gents have (like me) made it through the most barbaric day of the year…the Super Bowl. Heavens. If not for the sinfully delicious meat dishes (seriously, how many ways are there to dress up little weenies?), I don’t think I would be able […]

In February

In February I will… stop waking up Boss Man at 7am for food. I should start my day earlier. remember to wear kitten mittens when I go outside. No vet trips this year, please. work on my catcalisthenics and lose these salmon handles. tell my servants they are doing an okay job. remind myself to […]

Reality Advice

Man oh man readers, am I fed up with reality television!! The dating drama alone is enough to send a self-respecting kitty into a tailspin!! Yet I can’t stop watching…so I must help. Below I have listed a few common themes I see on these types of shows…and my suggestions to the poor witless humans […]

The Quiz of Max

Today, whilst cruising Facebook, I noticed that a lot of my friends were taking various quizzes and laughing/joking about them…which got my head turning. If these humble citizens were enjoying questions about where they should live, whom they should date, and what type of COFFEE they might be…then they would LOVE an Ultra Cat Quiz!! […]

If I were a country music singer…

I’ve decided to get back to my southern roots (my people are from South Carolina after all) by composing a little diddy. Enjoy! Oooo I’m a wild one That’s what they say My mama had claws And sent them my way I love to sleep And wander about I’m a Tom Cat Ain’t no doubt […]

Obedience School

Max here. Reporting from the side of normalcy. Recently, it has come to my attention that there are a lot of weirdos out there…like a ton. Honestly, is it that difficult to participate in a normal social exchange…yes? no? maybe? Scenario: Sir Max: Dear resident dog, will you please fetch my ‘nip. Chiweenie: Lick, lick, […]

I Win, Again

What’s in a name? Honor that’s what. Majesty. A supreme connection to one’s royal past…and legendary future. A name is more than a collection of pleasant sounds and letters…it’s you. All you’ve got really. So honestly, it’s no surprise that the proletariat has continually named their pets after me. Cats and dogs alike, surprisingly (although […]