Hello friends,

If you choose any moment to truly listen to me and adhere to my warnings, make it this very second.

Do NOT trust a man who carries what the humans like to refer to as a “tape measure.” It is a torture tool. An unpredictable source of terror and all-around anarchy. Do you know that, without warning, it can SNAP and move at lightning speeds?? Further, its screeching emissions are enough to deafen the strongest of constitutions.

It’s ghastly.

The person wielding this weapon may seem friendly, warm, and quite harmless. Do not be fooled. Your hissing and arched back will not deter this maniac. He (or she) will likely appear again with even more alarming inventions of the modern age.

Honestly, it’s beyond fascinating the lengths humans will go to compensate for not being born feline. Heaven help us all.

Take care of yourselves out there,