A Poem For My Furst True Love

…whomever she may be. To Her You Purr Is it for me? Are you Her Could it be? A regal cat must pace when his heart awaits The call of the one whom he wants to date Let’s meet in the middle Let’s end this riddle Tonight Shall we dance? -Maximus, 2014 (written on a […]

Cats Need Love, Too

Dear Readers, I am writing to you in earnest today. I have been reflecting on my lives and have noticed a distinct lack of romance in my current existence. Yes, I said it. I need love. While living a life of nobility is nothing short of wonderful, it could be better. After all, what is […]

Party Animals

Hi guys, Max (somewhat) here…admittedly, I’m running at about 20%. My New Year’s festivities have stretched into the week and I am quickly realizing how it feels to be on your fourth or fifth life! Yowza. In response to our catrageous holiday celebrations, I have compiled a short list of why felines should not host/attend […]

(Barely) on the wagon…

Max here. On the proverbial wagon again. Ugh. As I dare say some of you understand, the holidays were not so kind to my waistband. While it was a stellar year in kitty sleuthing, all the hoarding of human food has really affected my physique. It all started with Thanksgiving…and well, you know the rest. […]

New Year’s Resolutions…for my human.

Here’s the thing about resolutions…if you’re perfect, what good do they do? My thoughts exactly. So, in order to join in on the fun, I’ve compiled a list of resolutions for the most imperfect person I know…my human. Or as I sometimes refer to him, “Boss Man.” 1. Stop being a tightwad and buy Max […]

So long 2013…Hello Future.

Hello readers, I hope the holidays have treated you well…and that your pants still fit. That last part may be a bit ambitious, but I have always been known as an optimist (ha). Anywho, as the New Year approaches and reflection becomes an obligatory activity, I wanted to touch base with my loyal fans (that’s […]

We Have Arrived

Hello Friends, Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know we have all arrived safely. Phew. For fun, I took down a quick summary of the best/worst parts of the flight. Enjoy! The best: 1) The seared tuna sandwiches served on fine china. I should complain more often. 2) The wifi […]

Sky High

Dear Readers, I am writing this from 33,000 feet in the air…talk about the modern age! I can’t decide if I’m happy to be connected or if I miss the days of old (when travel could be blamed on a delayed Words w/ Friends/Candy Crush play). Not going to lie though, I do appreciate being […]


Hi folks, So, as most of you know, I am the proud Spokescat.Humorist.Enlightener (see Twitter @maxtheultracat for deets) for Ultra Pet. Most of the time, this only requires my good looks, robust health, and the occasional ability to hide my disdain for humans. However, after speaking with our marketing manager this week, it seems they’re […]