All the little birds…

Tweet, Tweet, Tweet! Honestly, I never thought I would be one to really get into this social media thing. At first, it seemed like a platform for the narcissistic to show off more photos of their strategically placed tats and bad Instagram filters…but I stand corrected! It has finally occurred to me that the tides […]

Illuminati Dreams No More

I am writing this message from a cold, dark, and defeated place. My espionage skills, claims to power, and all-around illusiveness have deteriorated into a useless pile of meaningless muck. Since kittenhood, I’ve known I was destined for greatness. Everyone noticed and commented on my ability to command the room…or disappear without notice. Personally, I […]

Dear Boss Man

Dear Boss Man, Please stop moving your office furniture. It’s rude and I do not enjoy having to sit in all the chairs to find my comfortable spot. Also, if you can manage, how about we stop with the strange lady coming in here on Wednesday night vacuuuming? It’s fascinating, yes, but my head is […]

Foray Into Hunting (Return of the Chipmunk)

As those of you who follow me on Twitter (@maxtheultracat what what!) know, I was catnapped and transported to Anderson, South Carolina. Home of the free and land of the outdoorsman. I, on the other hand, have always considered myself more of the INdoorsman type. I like moderate temps, prepared meals, and room service. I […]

House Rules

I know this is a few days late but with me having the sniffles I’ve had to refrain from exhausting myself….the 18 hours sleep turned into 22. I am back now and this is specifically for anyone that is even considering attending my future birthday parties: 1. Show up on time. I pay the house […]

Smelly Cat

The seasons are changing and, as many of you understand, my allergies are back. As hard as I try to get 16 hours of rest a day, eat full and nutritious meals, and keep the physical exertion to a minimum, I STILL get hit with these seasonal sniffles. Urgh. To make matters worse, Boss Man […]

Tuna Can

A purr-fect treat All cats can agree The smell, the taste Never goes to waste I know the sound As it goes round and round Only minutes until I break the seal Yum, yum Please don’t end I still need you friend You know I’ll love you forever Our ties will never sever Dearest tuna […]

Trick-or-Treat My Feet

Halloween is here and one of my (few and far between) pet peeves is about to surface in droves. While I have never been one to deny the fun of a good costume party, I am consistently offended by one particular outfit. Will someone please explain to me what a skintight jumpsuit, felt misshapen ears […]

Max 101

Hello readers, Due to a recent influx of fanmail, I thought it would beneficial to address some of the most frequently asked questions I receive here at Ultra Pet. Q: How do you get your hair to be so lustrous? A: As a direct descendent of Egyptian royalty, good hair is in my genes. With […]

The Shearing

Holy holy guacamole…what a day!!! I began this morning as a self-respecting, beautifully coiffed feline…and ended it naked exposed to the world. Oy vey. Another creature falls victim to the furminator. The furminator. Have you heard of this torture device? If not, I suggest checking your human’s computer history…if you see any signs of this […]