As my physical appearance has slowly changed, marketing execs have flooded into the UltraPet waiting room! Is our consumer goods world that superficial?? I reckon so!

I have been solicited by a feline active wear line, a pet yoga studio, and of course a diet canned food company. The human CEO of our business doesn’t know heads or tails of the situation and is currently ironing out what cross-marketing
initiatives would be best for our brand.

We are the most luxurious in litter, so it is quite hard to find a worthy match. The pet food company is a natural fit, but their ingredients are less than natural. Not sure our company wants to be part of the next Fen-Phen scandal—woof.

As it stands now, I may do a few commercials for the yoga studio. It is a quaint little local place, but with the foresight to compensate me appropriately for my support. Also, it is only five miles down the road and requires no airline travel.
Literally can’t even with the luggage requirements these days, and booking a private jet can be such a headache!
Keep your eyes out on the local PBS station, folks. You might just see this UltraCat in downward dog!

Peace and Harmony,
Maximus