Dear Readers,

Today, on this most beautiful of afternoons, I must write to you from the confines of my own quarters in the Presidential Palace. Why do you ask?

Because I have become the hunted. A prisoner of my own property.

First, let me ask…have you guys seen and/or read The Hunger Games? You know, that terrifying trilogy about young children hunting and attacking each other while adults nonchalantly watch? Yea, well welcome to my world.

The horror began late this morning while I took a leisurely stroll through the Ultra Pet gardens…peaceful, right? Ha. OUT OF NOWHERE, a pack of mockingbirds blackened the sky and began their assault. They flew, they pecked, they chased, and worst of all…they humiliated! I’m a cat…an ULTRA CAT…and I had to run like a little kitten all the way back to our headquarters. THEN, to add insult to injury, I found Boss Man et al watching the entire scene through the window…like there was nothing amiss. UM EXCUSE ME I ALMOST DIED.

It was just atrocious. Further, something tells me that those useless humans had something to do with it…do you think they figured out what I do with the toothbrushes on Tuesday mornings? I dunno…whatever the reason, game on. Time for me to start bringing lizards inside again.

(Unless of course this is for a reality show, then I’ll gladly take the fame. I’ve always wanted a cover on UsWeekly)

-Maximus