Max's Blog

Party Pooper

Oh #ravecats…I really did it this time. I was out until 6am repping #NEONlitter at a promotional event in another town....

April Fools, Fool!

Don’t be a fool, #ravecats!! Leave that mess for the pups! What do you all have planned for today? Any fake...

Relaxation Wednesday, NEON Style!

Dear Readers, It’s a #ravecat life for me…and you all know that as a FACT. With that said, sometimes this party...

Final Four in the Home State!

Wow…what an exciting weekend, ravecats!! Not only did I participate in the #GlobalPetExpo, I also had a moment to witness my...

The Fun Ones: Global Pet Expo Edition

There’s one in every crowd, isn’t there #ravecats? I can tell you as one proud Bosscat to another…it sure did feel...

Global Pet Expo…Here we go!

As I posted yesterday, we are headed to the Global Pet Expo! Since it isn’t too far away from our home...

Orlando (NEON) Magic!

Hi Friends!! Wow!! What an exciting week for #NEONlitter and your loyal spokescat Max! We are so thrilled to be heading...

St. Pat’s Cat!!

Happy St. Pat’s, Ravecats!!! Whoowee! It is one of the biggest party nights of the year and you KNOW the ravers...

Cat Nurse=Curse?

Hi Folks, So…my human is still ill. This is starting to get annoying. Three days of sickeningly sweet kindness were tolerable,...

Human Support Squad!

Dear Readers, Boy has it been a week! My human has been really under the weather and I have been cashing...

March MADNESS

RAVECATS!! Who did this?!?! Which one of your tricky kitties did a snow dance and brought on this late winter...

Caturday Calling!

Happy Caturday, #RAVECATS!!! How are you living the NEON life tonight? Reuniting with old friends? Attending a #catparty? Cracking open a...

Monday Schmonday

Feeling the Mondaze here folks!! Anyone else?? As a dedicated #ravecat, the weekends are always my fave…and the work week starts...

NEON Goals

Dear Readers, It’s a slow day in the office. My photo shoots have been cancelled and the minions are all typing...

Fat Tuesday=Wimpy Wednesday!

Dear Ravecats, Boy, what a night! As you all know, yesterday was Fat Tuesday and you can bet the NEON office...

Max’s Hawaii List

Hi Folks, I needed a safe place to keep my packing list for my trip. I figured you all would be...

Fur-ocious Leader

Dear Friends and Countrymen, Happy President’s Day, eh? What a time to be alive! Any of you wishing you would’ve backed...

Research and Development- Part III

APPROVED!!! My trip was approved #ravecats!!!! How bow dah?!?!? I am so excited to jet out late next week and take...

Research and Development- Part II

Dear Readers, The fight for Hawaii continues. Now the NEON board wants me to present a plan of action for my...

Research and Development- Part I

Dear Followers, This week, I have been trying to convince the powers-that-be to send me on a month long sabbatical to...

Hello Sweet Thing!

Dear Fans and Followers…will you be my valentine?? Please oh please, do not pass out from excite…I beg of you! If...

Serenade to Rave

Dear Readers, As a devoted #ravecat and NEON evangelist, I have to say that our lifestyle does not always get enough...

Showbiz Stuff

Hello my friends! It is a happy day here at the NEON headquarters! We are continuing to work on our new...

Max in the Press!

Hi Friends! As a leading mind in all things feline, I feel like it’s “pert near” time I hold a proper...

Super Bowl Peace

Dear Feline Friends, Please, please do not hold this against me…but I am officially denouncing my nature (just for the day)...

Caturday Vibes

Dear Friends, Today…I just, I just woke up so lazy. More than cat lazy—more like lounging orangutan lazy. You get the...

Goodbye January!

Hi Friends! What is the longest, most humdrum month of the year you ask? The one that is GONE I tell...

Snow Day!

Well Ravecats, Welcome to January! It is one of those rare days in the South where the Devil’s Dandruff and Connecticut...

Resolutions??

Time to look in the mirror, friends…it’s resolution time! Have you crazy cats sorted yours out yet? Any diet plans? Full...

New Year’s Eve, NEON Style!

Boy oh boy, Ravers… Is tonight going to be something special!! I have invited all of my favorite feline friends over...

Santa Claws

Dear Santa Claws, I have spent some precious time this week thinking of others; therefore, I think it is time that...

Max’s Christmas List!

Dear Readers, Ten days to go until Christmas…so I guess it’s time I start thinking of the (few) presents I would...

Cat in the Water! SOS!

Oh my heavens Ravecats! This morning was NO party!!! I woke up to water pouring from the upstairs ceiling and total...

Intergalactic Concerns

Dear Readers, As mentioned earlier this week, I am beginning to get a little worried that NASA will in fact ask...

Fly me to the MOON

Dear Ultracats, This week continues to be ALL business. Part of our corporate team is in town and, after a day...

Corporate Cat Visit

Hello UltraCats, What a week! Today some of our #NEONlitter execs visited from the West Coast and man…it was a lot....

Sniffles the Cat

Dear Friends, Boy…has it been a tough weekend. Not only did I get myself tangled up in those lights…now I apparently...

Caught in the Lights!

Dear Followers, Admittedly, I have been accused of fame and my CEO Cat title going to my head before…by lesser and...

Hello December!

Dear Friends, It is finally here! That beloved last month of the year…full of eggnog, fuzzy sweaters, bright lights, and deliciously...

Black Friday Shopping…because we’re American

Now friends, Do not let that headline fool you…I’m not ACTUALLY going to risk the masses. For heaven’s sake, I’m almost...

Bird Day…don’t mind if I do!!

Dear Friends and Cat Family, Today is the day! The day we FEAST and profess gratitude for things we generally pay...

Tree Topper

Dear Humans, CATch me if you can!! It’s Christmas tree time and I have never been so stoked…this old cat still...

Are you ready forrrrrr…some naps?

Gotcha, didn’t I?!?! While you were shouting out the word “FOOTBALL”,  I was quickly falling asleep. Snoozefest! These humans I tell...

Max Tower, Inc.

Dear Friends, The current political climate is tumultuous…to say the least. This week, I read the latest controversy involves the President...

Dog-Sitting Woes

Why is this dog licking a perfect stranger you ask? As a cat, I can honestly tell you I have no...

Thanksgiving Preparedness Seminar

Dear Readers, As a staunch defender of feline rights, I want to let you all know that I will soon be...

Bathroom Break Banter

Dear Fans, I am a litter man. You all know it. As the Cat CEO of NEON Litter, I have your...

Decision Day!

Dear Friends, It is here. No more pitter-pattering around the subject…Election Day 2016 is among us! Please uphold your civic duty,...

Middle-Aged Neon RaVeR

Dear Friends, As a wisened Cat CEO, I really never expected to fall into the raver lifestyle. However, with my latest...

Friday Fuzzies

Dear Readers, You know what gives me the Friday Fuzzies? Reunions with my humans long lost relatives!  No, no…don’t get it...

Early Voting is the Cat’s Pajamas

Hello Future Constituents! I myself partook in my civic duty today and cast my vote for THE future leader of the...

Wrap Party

Greetings Reading Ravers! As you know, we just wrapped production on our new NEON Litter music video…whoohoo! To show our gratitude...

Production- Day Two!

WHOO, video production is no joke! Ever heard the phrase that something is “as difficult as herding cats” before?? Well let...

Production- Day One!

Time for the Get Down, Ravers! The first day of the NEON Litter music video is underway and the entire NEON...

DJ CATSO

Dear Friends, I should have known that the pest P. Catso would insert himself into my new project! If he wasn’t...

Cat Casting

Dear Readers, So casting for the new NEON Litter music video is well under way!! Boy oh boy do I love...

MTV: Music TabbyCat Videos

Dear Readers, NEON Litter is starting to really amp up our outreach to you and yours. Can you believe we’re working...

It’s a cat’s life for me!

Hi friends, Consider my Halloween plans ADJUSTED. That little gimmick I pulled yesterday touring PetSmart as the canine persuasion was ENOUGH...

¡Yo Quiero Halloween!

Hola Fans, My most favorite holiday is upon us and I have been brainstorming ALL week on my Halloween costume. Since...

Winner, Winner Tuna Dinner!

Winning!! The high rollers took to Facebook and really put their best paw forward! We had over 1,000 commenters on our...

Raver Life

Happy Weekend UltraCats & Lucky Human Companions! Start it off in style with a little spin in the NEON Litter…and don’t...

Think Pink!

Hello Friends and Followers, October is among us, and I for one am doing everything in my power to support Breast...

Catsino Royale

Attention RaVeRs, Gamblers, and the like!!! Time to win big. Las Vegas big!! Huge! And the lucky number is…drumroll please…THREE. Tag...

Going Global, Baby!

Hello Friends, With the new launch of NEON, we have seen a demand for this artistic twist of litter across the...

Raving, NEON Litter Style

Hello all, My fashion show went off without a hitch and I am ready to par-tayyyyyyy!! I have all of my...

NEON Runway?

Dear Friends, This fashion thing is ready to take off. And as luck would have it, it’s right around the time...

Max Fashion

Dear Followers, That’s it. I am tired of the attention humans receive from designers and retailers alike…meanwhile, us four-leggers get shark...

Kanye Kitty? Oh my!

Hello Music Buffs & Friends, I know I promised to give the reality talk a break, but dang, that Kanye is...

Kardashian Kat

Hi Readers, Fashion week is here again, and this time, all I can see is Kardashian, Faux Kardashian (Jenners), and Yeezy....

Human vs. Mouse

Hello all, It appears that my human has discovered the freeloading insurgent at the Presidential Palace. The horror. Apparently when he...

Mouse House

Dear Readers, Your dear friend Max is in a bit of a conundrum. I fear, despite all my household help and...

Speaking of Stranger Things…

Hello Netflix Aficionados, Have you taken the bait?! Have you watched the show Stranger Things on Netflix?! My goodness…talk about a...

Alternative Candidates????

Dear Amerikitties, Boy oh boy, it’s election time isn’t it? If Facebook and Twitter aren’t misleading, not a lot of people...

Bumble for Cats?

Hello Readers, As a young successful feline, I sometimes feel the pressure to have a fellow tabby by my side at...

Not So Laborious Day

Hello Friends, That strange holiday is upon us again…the one where humans force themselves to relax by federal demand? So weird....

Quotes by P. Catso, The Artiste

Hello friends, Mockery is truly the best revenge. Further, it is best delivered unedited and straight from the source’s sandpaper tongue....

P. Catso vs. Max: The Saga Begins

Well friends, It has begun. This new artist P. Catso we hired (AGAINST MY WISHES) has it out for me. As...

Relieve Yourself Cool

Dear Hipsters, Time to groove out your personal space! UltraPet’s new litter has hit the shelves and I could not be...

An Ode to the Hamper

Hi Friends, It has been a while since I delivered one of my famous poems to you. This one came to...

Cat Stash

Hello Trusted Associates, I write to you today to formally divulge the secret of my most prized possession—my stash. Everyone, I...

Catnip Fail

Dear Readers, Let this be a warning to you all: beware of catnip imposters. Today, while searching for a little relaxation...

Step One: Be a Millionaire

Dear Eager and Hungry Minds, How in the world do you afford your inquisitive tastes?! As the CEO of a leading...

Cat Ed

Hi Friends, All this scholastic talk has me in the MOOD! The mood to LEARN! I mean…I know I have addressed...

Back to School

Hello Brainiacs! The summer heat is waning (not really) and all of you inspired and summer-weary brains are getting back into...

Dat Sass

Dear Friends, As cats and cat lovers, we all know that sass is key. Sass is what keeps you classy, but...

Comforting Kitties

Dear Readers, As all of my furry friends know, one of our most important jobs is comforting our humans after a...

Hot Head

Cheers Friends! It is hotter than ever here in South Carolina and yet again my beautiful mane is getting in the...

Crabby Cat

Dear Beach Enthusiasts, This UltraCat did it! I convinced my human to let me accompany him on the yearly extended family...

Beach Vibes

Hi Folks, As shown in my last post, I have really been putting a lot of thought into the idea of...

Vacation Gripes

Dear Friends, As summer is in full force, and Facebook photos are in full swing, I have noticed a troubling trend...

Poetic Fridays

Dear Readers, I know all of you look forward to the poems I post from time to time. Art is a...

Top 5 Ways To Spot A Rescue

Dear Animal Lovers, I think we can all agree that rescuing a pet is a noble and rewarding choice. I also...

Rescue for a Reward

Dear Readers, As a cat enthusiast myself, I have to again speak about the importance of “rescuing” your next pet. While...

Wednesday Wisdom

Dear Future UltraCats, Happy Hump Day, folks! Here we are, ready to embark on the latter half of the week…with only...

Tuesday Turnup

Dear Friends, No, you did not read that incorrectly. No spelling issues here; we’re not talking about root vegetables. Your friend...

Monday Muse

Dear Readers, In an effort to spice up the most dreaded of days, I have decided to really focus on sending...

Therapy Cat

Good Afternoon, Friends! This week has been quite the interesting one. During my Career Day hilarity, I had the good luck...

Career Day

Dear Friends, Boy oh boy, did I have an interesting afternoon! My secretary’s nephew asked me to come speak to his...

Know Thyself

Hey ya’ll, The ancient Greeks really were on to something at the Temple of Apollo. You truly must have a strong...

Consulting, by Cat

Dear Aspiring Millionaires, Tired of taking out your own trash? Sick of deciding whether you should buy coffee or lunch? Do...

I want to love you, PSE (forget about PYTs)

Hello Friends, In the (somewhat edited) words of the King of Pop, let me take you to the max PSE! It...

Pet Sitting

Dear Entrepreneurial Humans, I have recently been made aware of a phenomenon in your silly, transactional world…so listen up! Apparently there...

Pop Culture Cat (PCC)

Dear Friends, As a trendsetter, it is of the upmost importance that I stay atop what “the kittens” are doing. I...

C’mon November

Dear Future Constituents, Don’t think for one second I have already given up my presidential dreams!! November is coming at us...

Top 5 Things To Learn From Human Sleeping

Dear Felines and Feline Enthusiasts, Humans really have an interesting way of approaching sleep. Sometimes you hear them brag about how...

Maxisms, Part III

Hello Friends, This week has been particularly inspiring. Not only did I work on a huge corporate merger, but I also...

Maxisms, Part II

Dear Followers, The stars are continuing to align, and I am here to lead you through holistic inspiration. It really is...

Maxisms, Part I

Dear Enlightened Friends, I would like to apologize in advance for the lack of eastern inspiration and grounding knowledge I have...

The TAIL

Dear Friends, As I am sure you are familiar, we feisty felines have a tell-tale sign that can end an argument...

Diary of a Middle-Aged Cat

Dear Friends, Everyone loves to talk about the “media” and how “they/it” control what is on the forefront of the American...

Feline Cultural Sensitivity

Dear Readers, In our heightened political environment, I have heard a lot of talk about “political correctness.” Some people are all...

People-watching, by Cat

Dear Readers, Another week on the road for this seasoned Ultracat, and boy, I have been putting my psychology degree to...

Flying to the Max

Hi Friends, I have been traveling tons for UltraPet recently and have started to prioritize traveling adjustments for all of my...

Max Air

Dear Savvy Felines, I have had it up to HERE with feline travel discrimination. I want a proper seat, a cheap...

Cheer Up, Buttercup

Recent world events, and sometimes personal, have the tendency to bring all us two-leggers and four-leggers (and bootleggers, too) a bit down....

Reasons Cats Hate the Rain

I know it’s common knowledge that we cats do not completely enjoy the rain, or anything water-related. Let me be the one...

The Magnificence of Male Cat Protectors

would like to take a moment to acknowledge a breed that gets very little credit in today’s society: The Male Protectors of...

Straight Outta UltraPet

My experience as a freewheeling kitty was vast and informative, as well as a little scary and out of my comfort zone....

Born to Be Wild

To continue my last post, I will let you in on my experiences as a feral feline. A true child of the...

Cats Day Out

I decided to make a few extra bucks this month writing an op-ed for a national pet magazine. The point of the...

Max in the Limelight

Today was the day! We had my commercial shoot for Power to the People…and Pets! Now this is not my first rodeo...

Yoga to the People AND Pets

Wowza, this whole yoga world is something else. I am a hard one to surprise, but their culture is more than a...

Endorsement Probs

As my physical appearance has slowly changed, marketing execs have flooded into the UltraPet waiting room! Is our consumer goods world that...

A War Lost

I regret to inform you, that in spite of all my greatest efforts, I have lost weight.  My tactical forces have...

A Second Battle Ensues

Rome was not won in a day. Nor was the UltraPet war on dieting, led by General Maximus the UltraCat. I have...

A Battle Won

As those of you know, I have been fighting hard against this 2016 Slim and Sassy Diet Plan my human has placed...

Aging, but finer than wine

Today, as I find myself somewhere north of my fifth life (but when you have nine, who’s counting?)…I think about how things...

Max Mantra

My feline powers are on fleek! You would not believe how much stronger my senses have become recently…a daily commitment to refocusing...

Earth, Wind, and Fire

As you know, I have been working hard recently to get one with the universe and mother nature. My all-natural doctor thinks...

Fertilization Frustration

Talk about a surprise–while working hard on inner peace and my gardening skills, I got hit from left field. Apparently, some street...

Gardening Greatness

The pavement has started to warm and the bird-watching has begun…hellllloooo spring! With increased freedom for us four-legged leaders, come a slew...

Go and Love Yourself

How funny, right after my last post I had a realer than real Belieber moment! Have you had someone in your...

What Do You Mean?

It has recently come to my attention that is becoming perfectly acceptable for adults (feline, human, and otherwise) to consider themselves “Beliebers.”...

Kitty Reincarnation

It recently came to my realization that quite a few of you are awfully similar to my feline friends. Strangely so. After...

Ladies and Gentleman of Leisure

The weather has finally started to turn and I, for one, could not be more pleased. My svelte figure has been in...

Cat Parent Probs

Would you believe that my friend Smokey has started to feel oddly protective of the little mongrel that has invaded his home?!...

Cat vs. Baby

Something terrible has happened in the feline world. My dear friend Smokey has just had his home invaded…by a tiny, loud alien....

Like I’m Gonna Lose You

Loving something is a tough game, no? Inevitably, one counterpart has to bid adieu in some form or another. Case in point:...

Changing Times

In my last post, we discussed the many, many reasons a feline candidate is needed in the primary elections. That perfect little...

Cat for Prez

Is it just me or is this whole Presidential race getting both tiresome and stressful?? There are so many candidates pitching in...

Mr. President To You

Do you ever have any issues with humans not recognizing your authority? While my human typically respects my policies and procedures, every...

Civic Duty, Cat Style

As we all know, art leads to beauty and change. Funnily enough, it was through a previous blog post (i.e. art) that...

Talent Development

At the UltraPet headquarters, we have recently been working quite a bit on product development. As my past few posts have detailed,...

Ingenuity Overload

After my last post, I was inundated with fantastic suggestions for feline-friendly business plans. Who knew all you great, furry minds were...

Building an Empire

Building an empire is tough. It takes stamina. And naps. But then more stamina. As the CEO and President of UltraPet,...

A Serenade to Coffee

As anyone who partakes in social media knows, there are thousands of funny memes and photos of coffee deprived humans, kittens, cartoons,...

A Bachelor’s Life For Me

Dear Readers, After my brief foray into dating this month, I’ve decided to compile a list of why the single life...

Hoodwinked, A Poem

She said we would be friends The enemy lines were gone It was all a cover story Because indeed, the lines...

The Truce

Great balls of fire, this been one interesting month. It started with the hopefulness of a silly and celebratory Groundhog’s Day,...

Revenge is a Dish…

Dear Fans, Things have really started to get interesting. As you know, the gossip mill was going strong about my recent...

Don’t Date Your Coworkers

Readers, Boy oh boy, there is something to be said for those corporate policies against inter-office dating. I showed up this...

Love Lost

Well folks, that was interesting. While I did get my Valentine’s date, it didn’t go quite as planned. Sasha STILL didn’t...

Plan B

Here I Go Again: Dear Readers, Plan B is in full force. I have convinced my human to escort me to...

The Audacity of Love

Hi. Max here. In a state of Valentine’s induced shock. Can you believe Sasha turned down my (very generous) offer?!?!!?! She...

The Big Day

Hello Readers, Today is the big day. Today is the day I finalize my plans for Valentine’s Day 2015. I have...

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

Dear Readers…and Lionel Ritchie Fans, I may have figured it out. As you know, that dreadful/incredibly exciting holiday is JUST around...

February, Again

Hi Friends, Here we go. The last true winter month…the one spent soaking up those dwindling snowy nights and using every...

Run The Dang Ball!

Dear Sports Fans, Can someone please explain to me what happened last Sunday? I am but a poor, cultured feline with...

SFS looking for SGL

Public Service Announcement: Single Fun Spokescat looking for a Single Gorgeous Ladycat. Must love foreign films (particularly Italian) and making fun...

A CEO’s Sonnet

Money, money Power, power Fame, fame Ultra, Cat I’m the boss There’s no doubt I run this ship Have all the...

Cat-niss Protection Program

Hello Folks, So I’ve recently been forced to watch an unbelievable amount of mafia historical dramas on The History Channel, A&E,...

###

Social Media Enthusiasts, Max here, with a very important philosophical question. What, really, is in a hashtag? Is it a linguistic...

The Walking…WHAT?

Dear Readers, What in the world is up with this TWD hysteria?? Why in the world would you subject yourself to...

Building An Empire

-To all you dreamers and decision-makers: You got this. No, really…you do. If I, a striped rescue from the southern hills...

Fashion Week

As the world’s fashion weeks come to a close, I must deliver my two cents on Spring/Summer 15 shows. As an...

Dream Shopping List

Dear Humans, Please take note. Your feline gurus have spoken and we are sick and tired of the rubbish in your...

MLB Me

Hello friends! Are you ready for some bassseeebbbballll????!!! I’m not. Kidding! I absolutely adore the World Series. What other time of...

Chat Noir

Dark kitty Little ball of fur You get a bad rep I’m so sorry sir But the time is near Your...

Shocktober Fest

Dear Readers, As a wild and crazy guy, I love the spooky month of October. Nothing gets me going more than...

Another One Bites The Dust

Fellow Star Watchers, I am sure by now you have heard the…. George Clooney has finally bitten the bullet and joined...

Autumn Leaves

To whom it may concern: I am very excited about the new season that is upon us. It may come as...

Pumpkin Spice Sheep

Dear Readers, I need a moment to vent. Have you heard about all of this Pumpkin Spice nonsense? Ohmygoodnessshutupalready. It’s not...

Hocus Pocus II

Dear Film Aficionados, Kudos. You have done your job well. Apparently, through tireless campaigning, you have brought one of the greats...

Hocus Pocus

Hello Readers, It is here, it is here! The most magical time of the year! The time when cats FINALLY receive...

I heard it in a love song…

Goodness gracious, have you heard the load of balderdash the radio is playing these days? Where did the talent go?? Journey,...

List It

Hello readers, Before I post on Craigslist, I wanted to reach out and let you know I will be having a...

Globetrotter

Well folks, I’ve gone ahead and done it. I joined Pinterest (under a pseudonym of course). Boy oh boy has it...

A sonnet for my favorite snack…

Little tiny goldfish swimming around They tell me you’re family but I can’t understand If you’re one of us why must...

Business Brilliance

Dear followers, Max is at it again. Comin’ at ya with yet another entrepreneurial idea. Brace yourself. So, undoubtedly, we all...

The Gambler

Hello readers, As you know, I have quite a few connections in Nashville, Tennessee (TSwift, I’m looking at you). Not surprisingly,...

Sweet September

Dear friends, Happy September!! It is finally here…the month when all of us lusciously-maned kitties finally get a break. Honestly, I...

Labor Day Schmabor Day

Dear Fellow Felines, Have you heard all of this Labor Day mess? It’s absolutely hilarious!! Not only are these humans taking...

Bachelor Perks

Dear readers, As most of you know, I have the honor of cohabitating with a freewheeling and fancy free bachelor…who I...

The Inevitable

Well folks, it happened. I finally succumbed to a destiny we all must face…I cracked my iPhone screen (insert ten crying...

Lessons I’ve Learned From Humans

Okay, so I know I give humans a hard time. It’s just too easy sometimes. However, in all honesty, I have...

Leos Be Like…

Happy Happy Birthday to all of you sassy, feline, and ferocious lions and lionesses! It is YOUR month! As for me,...

This week, according to Facebook

In summation: 1. Summer is over. Where did the time go?! 2. I am SO ready for football!!! 3. I have...

Lyrics by Max

Hello music mavens, As an Ultra Cat and all-around Renaissance Man, I’ve decided to start working on my music career. It...

What’s in a name?

Hi folks, Max here with a little nostalgia for everyone! Remember the name-based descriptions we all used to make in elementary...

They’re Back

Dear friends and fans, How many of you have the privilege and burden of living in a college town? Furthermore, a...

Late Summer Laments

Hello readers, How are you all? Holding up in these last bits of hot summer sun? Might as well soak it...

Humans, SMH

Hi guys, Max here…with yet another silly human story. Really, will they ever learn? Picture this: It’s 7am this past Saturday...

Ultra Ulterior Motives

Hello readers, As you all know, I am the proud Spokescat for Ultra Pet Cat Litter. Quite often I get asked...

Kitty Dentist

Hi guys- Max here…barely. Times are tough in the ‘ol Ultra Pet headquarters. Those of you who have experienced a severe...

Truth in Fiction…or Fiction in Truth

Hello friends, As you know, I have been recently working on my early memoirs…starting with a childhood in ancient Egypt until...

The Story of Max

Dear fans, How are you? I hope well (fed) of course! It’s summertime here in the Ultra Pet headquarters and it...

Hunger Games Part IV

Dear Readers, Today, on this most beautiful of afternoons, I must write to you from the confines of my own quarters...

To Kill A Mockingbird

Hello readers, Max reporting from behind enemy lines again. Here in mockingbird central, the assault continues. The humans are either oblivious...

Poem of the Week- Summertime

Poem of the Week- Summertime It’s hot and it’s warm the bees start to swarm Singing and stinging their way around...

Memorial Day, Max Style

Hello all, As most of my American-based fans know, this week marked one of the most honored holidays in the USA....

Feline Focus- A Poem

Feline Focus It’s a chase always a chase to catch the string laser beam or flipping piece of hair A cat’s...

A Friend In Low Places

Oh heavens you guys. My poor feline accomplice just got “shaved” for summer. I mean really, who does this to an...

Room Service

Hello readers, Writing to you from the brink of genius…hold on to your seat. As a spokescat, entrepreneur, and lifestyle advisor,...

Black Cat Magic- A Poem

Black Cat Magic For centuries and years there has been a fear of the cat colored black Spells were mentioned Accusations...

But first…May

Hi guys, Not sure if you knew…but it’s the best month of the year!! The most happy, forthcoming, and hopeful one...

Get Ready

Hi guys, How’s it going? I hope you all are amping up for another spectacular summer…Ultra Cat Style. Honestly, I couldn’t...

The Seventh Life – A Poem

Feeling a little introspective today…. They say we get nine I sure hope that’s true They say that mine are most...

Spokescat Joy

Dear friends, As most of you know, I am the proud spokescat for Ultra Pet Cat Litter. While the nature of...

April Showers Bring…More April Showers

Lawd ‘a mercy folks, it’s been a rainy one. A few days of steady downpour has left this domesticated kitty with...

Birds – A poem

Why hello my sweet you are so kind To show up on my doorstep every day, half past nine You rock...

Cat vs. Tape Measure

Hello friends, If you choose any moment to truly listen to me and adhere to my warnings, make it this very...

Perils of Spring

Hello readers, I write this to you from a foreboding bed of kleenex and antihistamines. You guessed it, ferocious felines get...

Poem of the Week- A Cat’s Love

A cat’s love at once it’s there Suddenly like a kiss from the sky Yet beware The time may come When...

Ice Ice Baby

Phew. Holy Moly. Good Golly Miss Molly, I am in pain. As it turns out, one’s ferocious feline joints aren’t quite...

April, Sweet April

Why hello readers! How are you fine folks? I hope wonderful! Personally, I am rejoicing in the first few sunny days...

Boss Man’s Lament

I am but a simple man a fellow of limited thoughts But, oh lucky me I have a leader indeed Without...

Dear Florida

Hello all, I hope this post finds you fabulously well. More importantly, I hope you are in the midst of early...

Caviar Dreams and Patriotism: A Conundrum

Dear Readers, How are you? I hope safe and well. As I’m sure you all know, there is some serious stuff...

H2H Communication (Human to Human)

Boy, is it me or are humans kind of strange sometimes? While waiting for a new episode of Survivor the other...

The Ghost Plane?

Well, well, well…if it hasn’t been another bizarre week in history. Seriously, what in the world is up with this missing...

Congressional Honors

Well hello fans! Good to have you! I hope you all are feeling as chipper and inspired as this frisky feline...

Poem of the Week-Feline Fame

It’s an odd thing this glamour I possess Quite often I’m looking for the rest Is there more? Should there be?...

Spring Breaker

Hello party people! As you may or may not know, the time is near. What time you ask? THE TIME OF...

And the Academy Award Goes To…

Max. For acting like he enjoys the presence of non-feline companions…day in and day out. Kidding! Not even my royal training...

Taking My Love to [the] Max

Boy, has this been an odd week. As any of you who regularly read the tabloids know, I spend quite a...

The Chipmunk Diet

I’m starving. Withering away like an autumn leaf…and it’s almost spring, for heaven’s sake!!! My wounds from the ring are still...

Eye of the Chipmunk

Max here…a little worse for wear. Brace yourself. Remember that time I went chipmunk hunting? How brave I sounded? How close...

Party Favors

As a public service, I wanted to drop a quick note to remind you guys about one of my favorite things:...

Southern Snow Show

I’m not sure if you guys heard, but the Southeast recently got hit with a brutal winter storm…all one inch of...

Post Super Bowling

Hello readers, How are you faring? I hope you civilized ladies and gents have (like me) made it through the most...

In February

In February I will… stop waking up Boss Man at 7am for food. I should start my day earlier. remember to...

Reality Advice

Man oh man readers, am I fed up with reality television!! The dating drama alone is enough to send a self-respecting...

The Quiz of Max

Today, whilst cruising Facebook, I noticed that a lot of my friends were taking various quizzes and laughing/joking about them…which got...

If I were a country music singer…

I’ve decided to get back to my southern roots (my people are from South Carolina after all) by composing a little...

Obedience School

Max here. Reporting from the side of normalcy. Recently, it has come to my attention that there are a lot of...

I Win, Again

What’s in a name? Honor that’s what. Majesty. A supreme connection to one’s royal past…and legendary future. A name is more...

Dog Brain

Hi guys, how’s it going? I hope you all are having a more interesting day than me…boy is it a dull...

If I Ruled The World

Hello friends! Today, whilst reading Machiavelli’s The Prince, I started thinking…what if cats ruled the world? Further, what if I Sir...

The Sitter

Hello readers, Max here, reporting from the other side. Currently, I am trapped in “cat sitter” purgatory…anxiously awaiting my human’s return...

A Poem For My Furst True Love

…whomever she may be. To Her You Purr Is it for me? Are you Her Could it be? A regal cat...

Cats Need Love, Too

Dear Readers, I am writing to you in earnest today. I have been reflecting on my lives and have noticed a...

Party Animals

Hi guys, Max (somewhat) here…admittedly, I’m running at about 20%. My New Year’s festivities have stretched into the week and I...

(Barely) on the wagon…

Max here. On the proverbial wagon again. Ugh. As I dare say some of you understand, the holidays were not so...

New Year’s Resolutions…for my human.

Here’s the thing about resolutions…if you’re perfect, what good do they do? My thoughts exactly. So, in order to join in...

So long 2013…Hello Future.

Hello readers, I hope the holidays have treated you well…and that your pants still fit. That last part may be a...

Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas to all. Max

We Have Arrived

Hello Friends, Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know we have all arrived safely. Phew. For...

Sky High

Dear Readers, I am writing this from 33,000 feet in the air…talk about the modern age! I can’t decide if I’m...

TCB

Hi folks, So, as most of you know, I am the proud Spokescat.Humorist.Enlightener (see Twitter @maxtheultracat for deets) for Ultra Pet....

Max’s Christmas List

To make your lives easier, please see my 2013 Christmas list below: 1) A muzzle for the neighbor’s dog. 2) A...

‘Tis the Season…Continued

Oh friends, I spoke too soon. Remember when I said I was writing from feline heaven? How ’bout we go ahead...

‘Tis the Season

Hello readers, I’m writing to you from feline heaven. As we speak (write, read, whatever), I am sitting in a climate-controlled...

California Dreamin’

Sir Maximus here, at your service. How are you friendly felines on this cold, winter day?! I hope excellent! If you...

Honest Cat

How’s it going? I hope you all are doing exceptionally well. As for me, I’m just dropping in for a quick...

The Cat Lady’s Sonnet

For all my favorite cat ladies: Dearest of dears with warm fuzzy ears Oh how I love to watch You jump...

Online Shopping

So, for once in my life, I have decided to actually purchase gifts for others at Christmas. I have budgeted out...

Remember December

Hello folks, In case you’re wondering, we have arrived. It is officially the 12th and final month of the year…with only...

Post-Turkey Day Commentary

Wowza. It’s the week after Thanksgiving and I have yet to recover. How are all of you faring with the adjustment?...

Proof That I’m Not Heartless

So, more often than not, I get credited with being a “Grinch-like” type of cat. I’m not easily amused, or impressed....

Let’s Talk Litter

As you guys know, I’m the proud spokescat for @UltraPet. When the opportunity first arose, I was a little bit hesitant—I...

A Royal Day In The Life

Quite often, my publicist receives feedback from fans asking what it’s like to be Max the Ultra Cat. They alllwayys want...

No Shave November

As you all know, it’s officially “No Shave November”…or as I like to call it, “November” Seriously folks, way to assert...

I get by with a little help from my…followers

Let me tell you, this has been a great week! I’ve accumulated 70+ followers on Twitter (most of whom are cats!!)...

Top 5 Cat Stereotypes That Are, Indeed, True

While I am a proud supporter of individuality, I must admit that there are several feline stereotypes that exist for a...

A Single Man: Boss Man Rediscovers Ben and Jerry

Well folks, it happened. My idiotic, but sometimes beloved, human is back on the market. Turns out his soul mate of...

8 Reasons I Like Twitter

1) It’s fun to see (ie: read) how stupid humans can actually be…yes KimK, I’m talking to you. 2) There’s an...

Hunting: Part II

As you must know, my last attempt at hunting did not turn out so well. I got stuck in the railing...

Chiweenie Rules

Things You Should Never Tell a Dog 1. Hello 2. I like you 3. I have food 4. I know where...

The Yum Yum

Oops I did it again… I played with your tarte. Got lost in the game. Oh baby baby… Sorry guys, I...

All the little birds…

Tweet, Tweet, Tweet! Honestly, I never thought I would be one to really get into this social media thing. At first,...

Illuminati Dreams No More

I am writing this message from a cold, dark, and defeated place. My espionage skills, claims to power, and all-around illusiveness...

Dear Boss Man

Dear Boss Man, Please stop moving your office furniture. It’s rude and I do not enjoy having to sit in all...

Foray Into Hunting (Return of the Chipmunk)

As those of you who follow me on Twitter (@maxtheultracat what what!) know, I was catnapped and transported to Anderson, South...

House Rules

I know this is a few days late but with me having the sniffles I’ve had to refrain from exhausting myself….the...

Smelly Cat

The seasons are changing and, as many of you understand, my allergies are back. As hard as I try to get...

Tuna Can

A purr-fect treat All cats can agree The smell, the taste Never goes to waste I know the sound As it...

Trick-or-Treat My Feet

Halloween is here and one of my (few and far between) pet peeves is about to surface in droves. While I...

Max 101

Hello readers, Due to a recent influx of fanmail, I thought it would beneficial to address some of the most frequently...

The Shearing

Holy holy guacamole…what a day!!! I began this morning as a self-respecting, beautifully coiffed feline…and ended it naked exposed to the...

Um…Thanks

As you know I am not the type to complain. I’m very easy to please…I only want the best. I’m very...

All Hail Max

Do you happen to know the significance of this day? Why of course you do! No self-respecting fan would NOT know...

Elder Kitty

So, the weirdest thing happened this week. There were visitors at UltraPet and they bought a crazy old cat with them....

Life in the Fast Lane

Max again…and I’m here to tell you a little bit about the good life. As you all know, I reside in...

Ways To Annoy Your Human

This is a personal note to my furry and followers….all humans may stop reading NOW You know how sometimes you just...

V is for Vicious

Today is the day. The worst day. The day that all kitties dread…Vet Day. As it happens, my God-given nine lives...

The Cat Lady

The Cat Lady This post is written in response to some disparaging remarks I came across while cruising YouTube for back...

Max in Review

Max in Review Max the Zenmaster here…and ready to enlighten! After a brief overview of some of my latest posts, I’ve...

Happy Birthday to Me

How are you? I hope good. As you all should know, my birthday is next week….the 9th to be exact. Since...

The Hostage

The Hostage I am writing this as a changed man. In the past 24 hours, I have been sent to the...

You Might Be A Cat If…

You Might Be A Cat If… As you all know, I have a fantastic sense of humor (it matches my excellent...

Top 10 Ways To Please Your Cat

As you probably know, those of the feline persuasion are often credited with bad tempers, finicky tastes, and the tendency to...

The Worse Thing

Oh the horrors of KARMA. If I make it this I promise to think carefully about my plans to terminate the...

The Dog Whisperer

Since my plan for sending the Chiweenie to Doggy Day Care was a bust, I have big news to share. I...

The Cold War

Let’s talk about humans for a second. Each of us has one or more…whether we like it or not. In my...

Doggy Day Care

Max here. As you all know, it’s back-to-school time…I’m sure your Facebook feeds have been inundated with all the kiddie pictures...

Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound Dear Friends, It is Sunday afternoon and I’ve decided to really start catching up on my to-do list. For...

The Awakening

I have a feather to fluff. Why do you humans feel the INCESSANT NEED to use inexcusably loud tools on Saturday...

Heat Wave

I’ve been trying to keep still and quiet not only because of the “sweater incident” but great goblets of fire it’s...

Circumstantial Evidence

Psst! Hey guys it’s me…but don’t say my name too loud. I’m currently on the lam for a crime that I...

Going (Health) Nuts

The torture continues. I’ve lost count of the days maybe weeks since the humans started rationing out my treats like I’m...

Fittin’ Up My Fluff

As you know, I’ve recently been placed on an involuntary “kitty diet”. As of today, my attempts at a feeding sabotage...

You Have To Ask

Are you a cat person? Or a dog person? I understand that centuries, humans have asked this of themselves and of...

The Suds Max Style

The Suds Max Style Apparently my Zen focus on life has done nothing to whittle my waist. While I still find...

Soul Cat

Hello Fans, Another week has begun and along with it, a new Max. I have been reflecting deeply on the state...

The Return

Greetings to those fortunate enough to be called friends and all others, After the humans realized I have no understanding of...

The Introduction

It’s been almost a year since me and my best friend were forcibly removed from our palm tree lined, constant sunshine,...

Pet of the Month

Visit our Facebook page to vote for your favorite Pet of the Month! Want to enter the contest too? Entries are...

Pearls of Wisdom

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