Hello readers,

I write this to you from a foreboding bed of kleenex and antihistamines. You guessed it, ferocious felines get allergies too.

Happy Spring.

No, but really. As THRILLED as I am to show off my figure in the warm weather, this seasonal curse is really getting to me. I mean, how in the world am I supposed to attract the ladies if I constantly sneeze in their face? It’s debilitating.
As the king of savoir-faire, this is frankly unacceptable.

To combat my recent lack of refinement, I’ve taken to only corresponding through old-fashioned letter writing (and the occasional social media outreach). This helps in a multitude of ways: I get to show off my exquisite calligraphy skills (learned in my second life), I use all of that monogrammed stationary I have lying around, and none of my potential paramours have to suffer through my incessant sneezing.

Wish me luck,