Dear Eager and Hungry Minds,

How in the world do you afford your inquisitive tastes?! As the CEO of a leading litter brand, I can front some of these academic costs…but you poor little humans?! How do you even do it?!

My books for this semester are over $500…holy cow, when I was a young kit kat that would’ve provided me with enough tuna cans for months! I don’t know about you, but even fancy recycled notebook paper won’t keep those hunger pains away.

It’s an atrocity! And, I HAVE to pay a gym fee?? Have you seen me? I’m not searching for way to sweat and ruin my perfectly groomed coif…excuse you! If I need to work out, I’ll just volunteer to keep the squirrels away from my favorite birdfeeder.

Shoot.

Is this education stuff all it’s cracked up to be? I better get a Pulitzer or something out of this mess. First Cat to get PhD and serve as Secretary General, how does that sound? It better work or I’m gonna ask for my endowment back.

Not even kidding,

Maximus