Since my plan for sending the Chiweenie to Doggy Day Care was a bust, I have big news to share.

I recently had some extra time on my hands (I’ve given up on kitty yoga) and have admittedly started catching up on reality television…for anthropological reasons, naturally. While doing so, I came upon Cesar Milan’s show “Dog Whisperer.” What a fantastic idea!! Little did I know, this human dude has been working to cure the canine condition for over a decade! A true gem, is this guy. Without a doubt, his mission is a respectable one…and something a feline leader such as myself can embrace.

There it is, folks. I’ve decided to become a dog whisperer. Obviously, I don’t have the time or desire to work a full-time schedule…but I DO have the time and desire to improve my own living conditions (cough, the disastrous chiweenie I am forced to interact with on a daily basis). If you didn’t already know, this miniature minion is named Parris…and like his namesake, is smelly and extremely bizarre.

Whatever. The point is that I am going to make a difference. I have done quite a bit of online research and can’t wait to get my claws (ha ha) into my former nemesis. He deserves it. Furthermore, it will be so refreshing to finally have a refined officemate. Then, I will be able to begin inviting over more dignified guests….after his inappropriate sniffing is corrected, of course.

Wish me luck!