The Hostage

I am writing this as a changed man. In the past 24 hours, I have been sent to the edge…and narrowly escaped the horrors of solitary confinement. What happened, you ask? Read on.

Yesterday afternoon I was lounging around the Presidential Palace and reading a little Hemingway in some UltraPet plebe’s office. The spot is tiny and a little lackluster…but far away from the hubbub of the CEO’s office (hence its attraction). I was so entranced by the tale of this enormous ocean fish (um, yum) that I simply didn’t noticed my staff exiting the building. Next thing I know, it’s 7pm and no one is around…which ordinarily is just fine. I love spending my evenings alone. HOWEVER, WHEN I AM LOCKED IN A 6×6 ROOM IT IS NOT FUN AT ALL. Yup, you got it. The $@%$^^# plebester locked me in his office. According to official documents, the “A/C” must have shut the door…but I think he was trying to get back at me for making fun of his tie the other day (it had CARTOON CHARACTERS on it, for goodness sake).

Anyways, once I realized the treachery I had no other option than to destroy his office. I shredded every document I could find and turned his silly little plant into my own outhouse. That will teach him. When the doors reopened at 9am the next morning…let’s just say “heads rolled.”

That reminds me, I need to update our job postings online…

Safely yours,