As you probably know, those of the feline persuasion are often credited with bad tempers, finicky tastes, and the tendency to detach emotionally. Let me be the one to tell you that these claims are in fact…true. Nonetheless, if you are looking to mitigate these characteristics, listen to the advice below.

1. Realize that a diet of dry cat food is the equivalent of living on lettuce for the rest of your life. Possible? Perhaps. Appealing? Absolutely not!

2. Relinquish all rights to the living room furniture. They are now glorified scratching posts.

3. Stop that spray bottle nonsense. Immediately.

4. Never, ever make us go to that crazy man with the latex gloves again.

5. Ban all canines and children under three from our living quarters.

6. Figure out a way to create a cat-friendly ice dispenser.

7. Forget about the cat hair and dispose of that super scary vacuum cleaner.

8. Stop Instagramming photos of us without a signed release.

9. Stop introducing us to your friends; we don’t like them or care.

10. Don’t let the strange neighbor cat sit while you’re on vacation…she’s weird, talks to me about soap operas for hours on end and the absolute worse…forgets to give me treats.

Listening to the advice above may save you thousands in couples cat therapy. You’re welcome in advance.